Gas Hog Lincoln
My Daddy said, "Son, you're gonna drive me to drinkin'
If you don't stop driving that gas hog Lincoln."
It was Saturday night, I had time to kill
And decided to give my girl a thrill
Pappy had to work, which got me to thinkin'
So I sorta borrowed my old man's Lincoln.
It was long and low, all chrome and black
Had a special garage for it out in the back
He'd polish it and wax it on sunny weekends
And occasionally show it off to his friends.
It had about the biggest motor left in the nation
For passing everything except a filling station
We headed out a'cruising into the night
Blowing off this modern junk at every light.
An old blue Datsun off of Glisan street
His stereo a thumpin' like he couldn't be beat
I decided it was time to let the Lincoln unwind
With a wink and a nod, I gave him the sign.
When the light turned green we both hit the gas
Well I took the lead, but he took it back fast
My honey said "You brag about this dinosaur"
"But you just got beat by an electric car!"
I tell her, "No way that one could be that fast"
Juice like that has gotta come from gas
But the yellow LeCar sitting at the next light
Has an "EV" sticker; now I'll prove that I'm right.
When the light turned green, no sound, no smoke
Man, that cat was gone, and that ain't no joke
I said, "Now, that's a wonder to me"
By then his tail lights were all we could see.
Now here's somebody I can beat, I know
A grey-haired Grandpa in an old Renault
But at the next stop he yells for all to hear
"What's the matter son, stuck in second gear?"
Then a Citicar tried to leave me behind
Here's a chance to give someone a piece of my mind
I knew I could catch 'em, and thought I could pass
But the engine just died; man, I'm outta gas!
My honey had to push me in to a station
Swearin' she'd warn every girl in the nation
I figured that I'm never seeing her again
So I told her I was broke, and borrowed a ten.
When we hit the road, I'm a goin' for bust
Ain't no golf cart leavin' me in the dust
So when that white Datsun caught my eye
I tell the old Lincoln, man, it's do or die.
We burned up the freeway, and down that hill
Passing cars like they was standing still
The speedometer said that we had hit top end
The last number on it was a hundred and ten.
Steam started coming out from under the hood
The motor's making noises that it never should
I'm worrying the engine isn't gonna last
When suddenly the Datsun just lets us past.
I looked in the mirror; red lights was a'blinkin'
The cops was after my old man's Lincoln
I pulled it on over and things got dire
When the catal'ic converter set the grass on fire.
They impounded the car, and threw me in jail
Had to call my pappy to post my bail
My daddy said, "Son, you're gonna drive me to drinkin'
If you don't stop driving that Gas... Hog... Lincoln!"